the little one

my darling niece, adrianna, has the craziest effect on me. i would do anything in the world for her. she has me wrapped around her little finger. she lives in california with her parents and i in utah. i've never felt such pain in missing someone before. except for the few months darin and i tried living apart from each other. the only difference is i knew i was going to be reunited with him shortly and more importantly he wasn't changing much in those few months apart. adrianna is growing up so fast and i feel like i am missing some of the best parts of her life. she'll be 4 in june this year. we talk on the phone now. which to this day is a trip to me. i still feel like when i see her i'm going to put a bottle in her mouth and sing her lullabys in my arms trying to get her to sleep. but nope. now she sings with me and teaches me songs she learned in school. i can't handle it. it causes me literal physical pain to my heart. i miss her so much some days. today my mom told me that she stayed the night there last night. my mom told adrianna that desiree (my younger sister) was coming by to visit. the first words out of adriannas mouth were "is brandi coming?!?!" with excitement. my mom had to tell her i wasn't. as soon as desiree arrived she picked her up and swung her around and squeezed her tight, then adrianna says "can we call brandi and say hi?!". uuggh it hurts so bad not being able to see her.  this weekend we are taking a trip to california for my little brothers wedding. as excited as i am for him, i am so unbelievably anxious to hold my sweet adrianna. i have already dedicated two of my evenings there: thursday night to jordan [the 21 year old baby brother who will wed on saturday] & friday night to adrianna.  she brought me home from washington state, will she take me away from utah before it's my time?